NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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