Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
