I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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