I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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