dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
