somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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