im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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