um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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