I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
