sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
