At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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