Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
