wrigley field is MILF paradise
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
