Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
