CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
