peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
porn star boner night. come get it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
