went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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