i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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