so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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