One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
