Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
