Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
