I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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