She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Your dad touched me again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
