i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
