Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
