I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
