Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
