Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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