i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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