chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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