Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize