Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
