if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
