Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
