So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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