now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
