I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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