i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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