i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
