i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize