I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
