fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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