In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just pee around me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
