I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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