he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
