I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
