1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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