Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
