I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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