And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize