my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Say something about gay babies.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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