We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
