She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
