like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
