Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
