Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
