I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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