Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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