I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
