Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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