I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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