I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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