I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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