NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Less talking, more tequila
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
